Woohoo

Last night was my last hormone injection! Jeremy had to give me two shots last night. The first one at 8:00 was the same cocktail of hormones I've been getting for the past week, but then at 11:00 last night, he had to give me a second and final injection. This was the HcG shot to mature my eggs. It has to be given exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval. So excited to not be a pin cushion/dart board any longer! We leave for Little Rock this afternoon. We are scheduled for egg retrieval surgery tomorrow morning at 11:00. After the doctors retrieve all my mature eggs, they will then fertilize each one by a process called 'Intracytoplasmic sperm injection' (ICSI for short). Basically they take one sperm and insert it into each egg using a needle finer than a human hair! Amazing isn't it? Then they watch them to see how many eggs become fertilized and how many embryos eventually form. Here's to safe travels and an abundance of eggs!

Hormones, Emotions, and Ovaries, Oh My!

Since my hysterical email to Sarah last Thursday, things have been going pretty well. My labs last Thursday showed an increase in estrogen to 445. Sarah's words "It's not bad!" She said the level should slowly rise to around 1500 by Sunday. So Sunday I went back to Willow Creek and asked Jeremy to go with me. The lab sent us on a wild goose chase to get registered and checked in for the blood draw. The man from the lab gave me the paperwork and told us to go to the second nurses station. When we got there, they sent us to the emergency room. The ER tried to send us back but the nurse from the second nursing station said she couldn't do the registration, so the ER nurse took pity on us and got me registered. As we left the ER and had to walk by the nurses station AGAIN on our way back to the lab, the same nurse asked us if we'd had a tour of the hospital and if not, would we like one? Seriously??? I know I'm not skinny, but I don't look pregnant either! I quickly let her know we were here for lab work and then we were headed upstairs to get an ultrasound. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I hate needles. The sweet lab man was NO good at drawing blood. I left there in tears and with yet another bruise, on my wrist this time. Once we got upstairs for the ultrasound, we were put in a room and told to wait. The doctor on call, Dr. Terry, came in and popped off "Hey, would you like a tour of the clinic too while you're here?" Mr. Funny Man had overheard the conversation at the nurses station downstairs earlier. After four different exam rooms, a bathroom break and two different ultrasound machines, he finally asked me: "Do you have both your ovaries?" Well, here came the tears! Yes I do, thank you very much. He was only able to find the right one and it still wasn't big enough. So after texting back and forth with the doctor that did my ultrasound on Thursday, they determined that I was "the worst patient ever" as far as being able to find my ovaries. Thank you-another round of tears. Based on my labs (the estrogen level was only 1327, "a very good rise" Sarah said, but not quite ready) and this ultrasound, they gave me more meds for Sunday and Monday night. Today, Tuesday, June 19th, I went back for my fifth round of labs and my fourth ultrasound, this time with Sarah from Little Rock. I love her! She's sympathetic, sweetly tells me my ovaries just like to hang out behind my uterus, and doesn't text and talk about me to other doctors while I'm in the room. I don't know the results of today's labs yet, but the ultrasound results were good. She gave me another round of meds for tonight, plus I have a shot of HcG (the HcG matures the eggs) waiting in the refrigerator at home, that I'll also give myself tonight, and then we'll be ready for egg retrieval on Thursday morning in Little Rock. It took my hormone levels and my ovaries a little longer than expected to be where they needed to be for egg retrieval, but we're finally one step closer! I am not complaining about this journey. If we're blessed to become pregnant, I know all of this will be worth it. I'm so thankful for the opportunity we've been given, and I try to find humor in it all!

Mrs. Estrogen

Following Sarah's plan, I quit taking the pill last Tuesday, went for labwork and an ultrasound last Friday, and began stimulation medication Saturday night. Sarah ordered my stimulation medication from a fertility pharmacy on the east coast and then they just ship it directly to me. I had a little bit of a freak out moment when the box arrived via FedEx! Holy crap! It was like a whole freakin' pharmacy! But, I organized everything and the first three nights' shots went really well. Jeremy is a really good shot giver. The medicine stings a little going in and I have a sore, bruised belly, but I am NOT complaining! -Just stating the facts. After three nights worth of shots, I went back for labwork to test my estradiol levels. They expect them to be between 100-200. Mine were 220. So, off to a good start. Wednesday night I had to start adding a third drug to my shot cocktail and then today I went back for another round of labs and another ultrasound to see how my ovaries were progressing. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not moody, but I don't even recognize myself right now. These hormones have turned me into a crazy person. I am so emotional. I can cry at the drop of a hat, go through periods where I don't want to be touched, looked at, or talked to, I'm exhausted, my feet, legs, and fingers are swollen, and I swear my ovaries have gotten their own pulse and must be the size of lemons!-not really but they sure feel that way. I finally had to email Sarah this afternoon after my doctor's appointment. I had a melt down when I realized I had gained 5 pounds since last Friday, despite a lack of an appetite and suffering from constant nausea, and during the ultrasound, the doctor couldn't find my left ovary and told me my right one wasn't big enough. So I sent Sarah a quite hysterical email and waited impatiently for her response and what I hoped would be comforting words. Her response "Okay, Mrs. Hormone-- or I should say, Mrs. Estrogen --- they didn't talk about "this part" of the hormone issues in our 6th grade girls assembly to discuss our periods! It's the hidden dirty secret of being a female-estrogen makes you lose your mind- I mean it makes you an emotional basket case. That is --if you're like most women and estrogen affects your mood. It certainly affects mine, talk about feeling like a crazy person- add estrogen to me and I am Looney Tunes. Screaming when I know I shouldn't, crying at commercials, acting a fool.Not to mention the fantastic water weight gain. Oh and those women that say they "feel so great" during IVF -- I want to punch them- nobody feels good with high estrogen unless you have some weird inability to react to high hormones--must be a genetic trait of some sort I don't have. Time to put away any salt products- and I mean all of them. You are retaining fluid from the high estrogen level and with that you are adding weight to your scale. The only way to combat is to stay hydrated, prop your feet, resist the temptation to wear non-supportive shoes (i.e. the most horrible shoes for any weight retention-the flip flop), and cut out as much salt as possible. No chips, processed foods (the highly processed ones), crackers, dips, and soda- hum? They don't taste salty! But, they have got it in there- except for the Sprite products. This too shall pass, it is hard to have this roller coaster of emotion. It is normal, please resist daytime TV and for the sake of your sanity--Do not watch Lifetime TV! You need to watch some comedy and laugh a bit. Try to decompress and understand this is out of your hands. You are doing everything right. The ovaries are not so easy to see, we do know that from prior US and exam. We can always go by rising lab levels to help us to determine the response to the stimulation. This afternoon we will have the labs and hopefully be able to relieve some of your worries. Please let me worry about the stimulation. You just try to remove yourself from stressful situations for a few days- no big family gatherings, no big work projects, and no big husband related work projects. The time I seriously thought about murder (not divorce-murder) was working on a pool project with my husband. Totally ridiculous, but it can happen. I don't want you to take to the bed for days but I want you to try and avoid those things that might trigger an episode of hysterical emotion, for me that would include- not going to a crowded shopping center and listening to all the screaming noises of the people, puts me on edge and triggers me to really want to run screaming. Step away from the Ledge---" -Sarah So I may be hormone-crazed, but at least I'm not alone and that's a comfort!

The "Life Saver"

I remember being so embarrassed when I had to start taking the pill at 16. What would people think about me if they found out? I sure wasn't taking it to prevent pregnancy. I was such a shy and naive teenager. I was put on it for medical reasons-to decrease the severity of my periods and to try to stop the growth of endometrial tissue. I was grateful for the pill's effectiveness! But, when Jeremy and I decided to start trying to get pregnant, I worried that being on the pill for so long was going to have negative consequences for our chances of conceiving. Little did I know, those pills are what saved our chance of conceiving. After I had fully covered from my surgery on May 4th, we were able to schedule our IVF class with Sarah from LR. We met with her Tuesday, May 29th. She went over how to mix the vials of drugs I'd be injecting into my abdomen each night, and showed me how to give myself the shot- yeah right! Like that was going to happen. I can't even watch someone give me a shot or take my blood, and they wanted me to do that to myself? I guess if I had no other choice, I'd have figured out a way to do it. But, fortunately the shots are just once a day at night and Jeremy is here to do it. Sarah gave us a plan: quit taking the pill on Tuesday, June 5th, have labwork and a baseline ultrasound done on Friday, June 8th, and start stimulation medication on Saturday, June 9th. So that's what we would end up doing. The second part of our conversation with Sarah was about my surgery on May 4th. I was so out of it after surgery that I don't remember even speaking to or seeing the doctor. But I guess he talked to me and also my mom and Jeremy. He told them that when he did the laparoscopy he noticed "a little bit" of endometriosis and went ahead and got rid of it. Sarah's version of the story was quite different. She said that since I had stopped taking the pill, the endometriosis had come back with a vengeance. It was severe, and had already attached to the wall of my abdomen, which is what was causing all the menstrual pain I had been feeling since I had quit taking the pill last September. She told me that with the endometriosis growing so fast, had they not removed it, the pain and severe periods, that I had suffered back in high school, would have been back soon, and I'd have been doubled over in pain and bed ridden for several days each month. My "Ah hah" moment: Sarah said that if I hadn't been on the pill since high school, we wouldn't even be here having this conversation. My reproductive system would have been destroyed, along with my chances of conceiving and carrying a child to term. The pill is what kept the endometriosis at bay for so many years. She said the pill keeps the endometriosis dormant and therefore it doesn't grow. So, instead of worrying about the side effects of the pill, I now rejoice and thank God for those little white "life-saving" pills. They didn't save my life, but I believe they saved our chances of conceiving life!