Mrs. Estrogen

Following Sarah's plan, I quit taking the pill last Tuesday, went for labwork and an ultrasound last Friday, and began stimulation medication Saturday night. Sarah ordered my stimulation medication from a fertility pharmacy on the east coast and then they just ship it directly to me. I had a little bit of a freak out moment when the box arrived via FedEx! Holy crap! It was like a whole freakin' pharmacy! But, I organized everything and the first three nights' shots went really well. Jeremy is a really good shot giver. The medicine stings a little going in and I have a sore, bruised belly, but I am NOT complaining! -Just stating the facts. After three nights worth of shots, I went back for labwork to test my estradiol levels. They expect them to be between 100-200. Mine were 220. So, off to a good start. Wednesday night I had to start adding a third drug to my shot cocktail and then today I went back for another round of labs and another ultrasound to see how my ovaries were progressing. Now, I'm not saying that I'm not moody, but I don't even recognize myself right now. These hormones have turned me into a crazy person. I am so emotional. I can cry at the drop of a hat, go through periods where I don't want to be touched, looked at, or talked to, I'm exhausted, my feet, legs, and fingers are swollen, and I swear my ovaries have gotten their own pulse and must be the size of lemons!-not really but they sure feel that way. I finally had to email Sarah this afternoon after my doctor's appointment. I had a melt down when I realized I had gained 5 pounds since last Friday, despite a lack of an appetite and suffering from constant nausea, and during the ultrasound, the doctor couldn't find my left ovary and told me my right one wasn't big enough. So I sent Sarah a quite hysterical email and waited impatiently for her response and what I hoped would be comforting words. Her response "Okay, Mrs. Hormone-- or I should say, Mrs. Estrogen --- they didn't talk about "this part" of the hormone issues in our 6th grade girls assembly to discuss our periods! It's the hidden dirty secret of being a female-estrogen makes you lose your mind- I mean it makes you an emotional basket case. That is --if you're like most women and estrogen affects your mood. It certainly affects mine, talk about feeling like a crazy person- add estrogen to me and I am Looney Tunes. Screaming when I know I shouldn't, crying at commercials, acting a fool.Not to mention the fantastic water weight gain. Oh and those women that say they "feel so great" during IVF -- I want to punch them- nobody feels good with high estrogen unless you have some weird inability to react to high hormones--must be a genetic trait of some sort I don't have. Time to put away any salt products- and I mean all of them. You are retaining fluid from the high estrogen level and with that you are adding weight to your scale. The only way to combat is to stay hydrated, prop your feet, resist the temptation to wear non-supportive shoes (i.e. the most horrible shoes for any weight retention-the flip flop), and cut out as much salt as possible. No chips, processed foods (the highly processed ones), crackers, dips, and soda- hum? They don't taste salty! But, they have got it in there- except for the Sprite products. This too shall pass, it is hard to have this roller coaster of emotion. It is normal, please resist daytime TV and for the sake of your sanity--Do not watch Lifetime TV! You need to watch some comedy and laugh a bit. Try to decompress and understand this is out of your hands. You are doing everything right. The ovaries are not so easy to see, we do know that from prior US and exam. We can always go by rising lab levels to help us to determine the response to the stimulation. This afternoon we will have the labs and hopefully be able to relieve some of your worries. Please let me worry about the stimulation. You just try to remove yourself from stressful situations for a few days- no big family gatherings, no big work projects, and no big husband related work projects. The time I seriously thought about murder (not divorce-murder) was working on a pool project with my husband. Totally ridiculous, but it can happen. I don't want you to take to the bed for days but I want you to try and avoid those things that might trigger an episode of hysterical emotion, for me that would include- not going to a crowded shopping center and listening to all the screaming noises of the people, puts me on edge and triggers me to really want to run screaming. Step away from the Ledge---" -Sarah So I may be hormone-crazed, but at least I'm not alone and that's a comfort!